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wow that wos depressing:(

well after the 'high' of making that anime from cratch, i got a call from this old collage friend

he goes we meetin tomoro (fri 23rd) to go to Reading and go partyin startin 9pm till 2am

 

now i live in the sticks and its always a pain tryin to get bk home, so i know evan if i wonted to go it be difficult, also i got work 7am so that like 3 4 hours sleep max lol which is ganna be fun

 

now i have a chat with ma and da about it and thy say how u ganna get bk etc and its dangerus etc

 

anyways to the point it some how the conversation got tracked to the unhappyness im feelin

and after 2-3 hours of talkin we deside that im depressed, possibly in depresson! which aint a easy thing to cure if ya stuck their

 

y am i depressed well im disatisfied, constanly disatisfied with life i have never had a good thing go for me anythin good has just blown up in my face and whot ever i do to chear my self up (or a least to keep me busy) never seems to hold. Several resent things have combined resently to make me unhappy but to be fair its a long turm thing

 

since secondary ive always felt as if others were better some how, as if their im missin out

they go out and have fun, while anty socal me dont eather cous i cant or wont. And its been like this for 5 yr it seems

 

no easy way to solve it but their is no other way to solve it, which is easyer said than don. I have to be proactive and do something about it, something im not famous for, i have to find my happyness or atleast do wot most do and find a distraction onto how to deal with it. Hmmmm any ideas?

 

for a time i had a good thing, some one, but like most things it seems to decay and go sour, well come to my world

 

i need a hobby but one i can be prowd of or something i would be dedicated to and keep me busy... but wot

that is the quetion, a difficult quetion lol

 

randee

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y she not love me

y she not love me

copy rights and all that bollox

 

y she not love me

she goes quiet

she goes offline

soon as i say hi

wot did i do

 

y she not love me

wos it me

wos it her

what has hapnd?

wot did i do

 

y she not love me

could it be prevented

or wos it not to be

were we sole mates

or were we not

wot did i do

 

y she not love

her friend said she wos stressed

her friends say she ok

i think not now

we be bk together if we were

wot did i do

 

yea wot did i do

i guess these negative poems dont help

i guess she looked and thought i didnt love her

i do but its pain too

she dont talk

and its not easy

wot should i do

 

randee

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better to have loved and lost than never loved at all

Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all

 

(copy right randee inc no one permited to take it ( u can use a permalink on ya blog and then do it that way)

who wos it that said that line

better to have loved and lost

then never loved at all?

who wos it that said to feel pain

it better than never to have felt it

i say no

better to have never felt it than to ever feel it

 

who wos it that agreed with this

to have loved

i say they are rong

i say they wont love

love at all cost

and dont think of loss after

i say no

better to have never felt it than to ever feel it

 

who is it that made me feel it

to have loved and lost

i say i felt it

i say its rong

i say no

better to have never felt it than to ever feel it

 

who is it that says never to feel that pain

pain of love

than to have opend up to it is rong

i said it

i say it

i say yes

it is rong

better to have never felt it than to ever feel it

 

,randee

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hmmmm her, yes her what to do

well for thoughs in the know gf been less than talkative lately and im wonderin wots goin on.

 

poekm by randee ual copyright presited ( im soo not in the mood for anythin, sorry if the way i rime it is a bit off but i dont give a fuck)

 

i no this girl metty

who be makin me stresy

i cant think good

i cant think bad

about this girl metty

 

i no this girl luna

who be metty's sista

she be good

she be open

about this girl metty (ooo i made it rime with the first paragraph woop!)

 

i no this girl luna

she be noin metty

she says she is streessed

she says she is unhapy

taking about this girl metty

 

this girl luna

she made me from 1 to 2

joined us good

joined us close

i be talkin about metty (till doin it)

 

this girl metty

she be gone all messy

she go all quiet

she be silent

about this girl metty

 

My name is randee

i think im brandy

i be blind

i be denial

i dont c what this girls up to

its all about this girl metty

 

this relationship is dieing

its be dieing for an age

its turned soure with every pasin pain

i dont think its justsomethin

i think its me

and about this girl metty

 

She bloked me

she dont speek to me

she says she got problems with stuff

she say she got these ppl stressin her

she then bloks me

at first i think ok she needs space

i think it be ok

between me and this girl metty

 

i now this different

i think its not someone els stressin

it be me

she talk to other friends

she talk to luna

but not to me

supposid bf

my gf

me and this girl metty

 

their be this girl sharon

a friend from uni

i told her once about her

how she kept me in tandom

how i wos between single and together

i told her how annoied i wos at it

she agreed it wos rong

she said she could never do that

she be this girl called metty

 

she has gone bk on her word

she has gone  and done the same thing

she lied

she dont denie

all about this girl metty

 

i feel low

i feel misled

i feel as if some secret is kept

i feel as somethin deeper is rong

and i feel my perswation canot work

she locks her self from me

nevre to open up

all about this girl metty

 

she should be reading this

she should be thinking

if she values any thing i say

she should let me no

let me know from her

not her friends and family

she should have bravery

tell me y

y she bloks me

y she ignors me

y she dont TRUST ME

all about a cirtain girl

a girl called metty

 

fin.

 

 

 

 

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Anger at a class friend (ex now)

Poem: this is by randee and no one is permited to take it without the cirtacy of askin (i will let ya if ya ask)

 

(note since this poem wos made i have sinc made up but couse i spent some time on this poem i left it ere)

 

 

i knew this girl once

i found her nice

polite and we shaird some habbits

like i dont drink, she dont eather

i found her interetin

and for a short while

i thought mabe somethin more

more that friendship could happen

 

Now she has changed

so have i

over the summer i found a girl i liked

we became friends

we became commited

we are happy

 

After a few weeks  bk at uni

it seems me and this class friend

drifted

i dont know y

i have susspitions

but if they are true

they would make me angery

 

when we were close i think she wos ignorant

ignorant to my religon

i dont pretend to be religus but still

in her eyes i wos like her

a cristian

im not

im a sikh

 

Now she knows

i think thats wots made us drift

she wos nice befor

made me happy

but not now

she makes me angary

she makes me wonder

what went rong

she makes me ask the quetion

is she rasist!

thats wot gets me angary

thats what makes me angary

 

theirs this other boy in are class

befor he said i liked her

he said to ask her out

i didnt

she already had a bf for one

but i knew it could never work out

she is religus to her religon

im not

now she and him are closed and i am to her

befor she didnt like him

she does now

not sayin they like eachother that way

but still they like each other more

 

She said once in class

it wos rong for 2 ppl from differnet religons to get to gether

i wos angary

he wos talkin to this other boy about it

they both are religus

they also insulted my new relationship

she is cristian im a sikh

so she says its rong

she makes me angary

 

while in the tital is says ex friend

to her were still frinds

all be it more distant

but i dont have any close friens left now

no one that knows me that well

its like befor i went to uni

i had no close friends

untill i met her in are first class

but not now

not now that she angerd me

 

i better stop as this is too long

but i still wonder y

y she has become as she is

 

randee

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eturnal dispair

poem: by randee (not to be taken to anyother site without the curtacy of asking)

 

eturnal dispaire

 

what is it to feel dispair

past sadness

past anger

past all them to the final emothon

to the point were some cant go on to the next day

 

on the news i herd once

some girl give up her life

due to dispair

due to sadness

due to anger

due to more than that

 

they said that she tried befor

but she wos stoped

she lived on

befor

but not now

 

the radio station found out

the tryed to help

they said it wos not fair

it wos crule

it so rong

 

she would lisnt to the recordin

every night listn to that befor sleepin

every night to sleep

but in the end it not work

she take her life

so finaly end her dispair

to be free

 

I feel dispair

i feel sadness

i feel anger

but its more

but is worce

it hurts

 

like as i right this poem of my pain

i cry

i am sad

i feel unloved

i have thought of the final solution

but i know i can go through with it

 

i feel week

i cant do that

i feel i am a failier

i feel dispair

 

i think i know what it is

i think i have it

i think it has already consumed me

no escape

 

a girl fell in love with me

i fell in love with her

it wos great at first

she found me funny

i like her attenction

she made me happy

 

the i thought i had esscaped

but it cam bk

it came bk and it wonts to make up for lost time

i feel so down

i feel consumed

i feel depressed

 

i dont know y

she loves me

i should be happy

but i aint now

i feel low

 

she doent know

she dosnt help now

as if the doom is amune to her good

to her hope

 

i feel like cryin

i feel like jumping off somethin

i feel like finaly getin what i have away

 

i wot to be free

i wont to be free!

how els can i be free

 

randee